Happy 3rd Birthday Gott Advertising

Happy 3rd Birthday Gott Advertising.

Earlier today, millions of triangles rang out in unison celebrating the 3rd Birthday of the digital juggernaut Gott Advertisng. The pre-dawn celebration dragged into a post-morning hangover and nobody was available for comment.

It's big big big big big big big big

Something big is coming. Digifluff executives are quietly spreading the news that big things are coming to the world via a global tweet storm. "It's going to bigger than the biggest thing ever done since those sort of things have been tracked - 20% bigger and at least 10% better...and yes, you can quote me on that but don't use my name", said PR princess Molly Mossheadburg. Thousands of curious curators from the most respected firms placed advanced orders Monday morning and now eagerly await news on what exactly they just purchased. While they don't know what it is, they know it's big. And that's alone is enough to get all worked about. Stay tuned for the latest big news on big things from Digifluff.

Plaxico Burress - What's Going Off?

Digifluff is proud to have an exclusive on the new video from Plaxico Burress - a self deprecating take on his recent legal troubles.

Time Zone Shifting

Did you feel that? Sources close to people who know everything are reporting a significant disturbance in the time space continuum. At least 14 confirmed cases are being vehemently denied by authorities afraid of losing their jobs. Beware. This is real. Keep your children close. Save your triangles. Stay away from time zones, drink plenty of water and do not eat orange cupcakes until further notice. Report suspicious behavior and deny all knowledge of this post.

And remember God speeds. I've seen him on 280 South doing 105 in the right lane, weaving recklessly while tossing back warm beer.

Digifluff makes Super Bowl Commercial Package Deal with NBC

The media fenzy around the Superbowl is a little less than last year but there are a few surprises this year.  Digifluff FNS announced it would be running 4 TV spots during the Superbowl. The deal with NBC is a last minute bargain package deal rumored to be worth around $10 Million dollars and four trips on the Digifluff space shuttle for NBC super executives, close friends, the Super Bowl 43 MVP entourage, Mark Bavaro and assorted hotties.  

The Digifluff commercials will show off the latest advancements in 3D animation with a new feature called 3 and a half D animation overdrive Dx2000. The spots will show some sort of talking triangle and will promoting the Aqua Vulva cream, the Muff Buff and the Digifluff all in one universally useful adaptor.  When asked to comment on the ads, Digifluff Chief Communications Senior Brand Program Contributor, Angela Sandstone, "It's seamless is all I can tell you...and the Steelers are going to win the Super bowl. Does this font make my text box too tight?".  Soundtrack for the spots are is coming from Bay Area underground music kingpins, The Hard Bounces. There latest singles, Powerpoint Man and Delete Forward are likely to be in the mix.  More to come. We'll keep everyone, including us, posted. 

saving digifluff CO2

Bigfoot daydreaming about Sarah Palin

The Digifluff team interviewed Bigfoot about the previously disclosed behind the scene footage of Bigfoot humping a tree. After a long interview, the Digifluff team of research specialists determined that Bigfoot was daydreaming about Sarah Palin while vigorously humping the tree stump.

Digifluff Team Finds Bigfoot

Digifluff FNS shocked the world today with the release of incredible and undeniably compelling evidence that Bigfoot is real and thriving in the Pacific northwest province of California in and around the town of Willits, CA.

Dr. Wisenfinkle and his Digifluff research team worked 17 long, thankless years to film the elusive Bigfoot in its natural habitat. “I’m just glad it’s over” said one of the nervous Digifluff research assistants. Dr. Wisenfinkle, who is not really a doctor, convinced Digifluff FNS to fund his historic research project 17 years ago and has been milking the corporate tit ever since. He cited his custom tailored white lab coat and fake British accent as the two main reasons he was able to secure funding. “They better pay my expense reports now that I have this f*ing footage”, shouted Dr. Wisenfinkle shortly before taking the stage at the hastily put together press conference just outside of Willits, CA.

While most reporters remain slightly skeptical that film footage is authentic, they were appreciative of the Pete’s coffee, clean porto potties and the gaggle of sexually deprived female research assistants . “I’ve been shagging the same losers for 17 years and I am happy to get any sort o fresh lovin’, if you know what I mean”, claimed Roxanne Bonnapants, the lead seamless integration officer of this soon to be infamous research expedition. Mrs. Bonnapants has signed an exclusive contract to pose naked in Playboy with Bigfoot if he / it is ever captured.

The new Bigfoot video footage is at the CIA laboratory in Langley, VA for testing and analysis. More updates will be forthcoming in the exciting days and weeks to come.

Digifluff Spurns Adobe Bid

Digifluff FNS hastily ended talks with Adobe regarding their bid to buy the soon to be released and wildly powerful Digifluff Imagination Suite. According to industry insiders, Digifluff grew tired of all the meetings and mindless bullshit paperwork needed to appease the Adobe legal team. "They wanted us to shave 1/16" off all our forms so they could fit them into their antique 3 ring binders with rich Corinthian shit brown leather covers and multi-color neon bindings. It was a major pain in ass.", said a Digifluff spokesperson who asked to remain nameless.

Digifluff clearly has a tight grip on the Adobe corporate nut sack and they're not likely to let go without compensation. The ball (pun intended) is clearly with Adobe.

T. Boone Pickens and George Soros separately applauded the move by Digifluff. Both super rich dudes are rumored to be large angel investors in the Digifluff Seamless Integration Platform.

Digifluff beats Adobe at its own game

Digifluff Imagination Suite is here. Long rumored to be developing a rival product to Adobe Creative Suite, Digifluff FNS introduced the Digifluff Imagination Suite (DIS). Available for download in early September, DIS taps into the human imagination and brings it to life on a computer screen. Built on the powerful Digifluff Seamless Integration Platform (DSIP), DIS seamlessly integrates with your brain right out of the box. It reads the Internal Imagination Display (IID) available in most humans and automatically renders it in a pixel perfect replication.

One of the countless impressive features of DIS is its ability to work while you sleep. Simply turn on the DIS DreamReader functionality and DIS sees your dreams, renders them in full 3D, and has them ready for your review before you get out of bed. A ShowerReader feature is still in beta and is likely to be available as an upgrade download sometime early next year, or never.

After a brief demonstration, some salivating onlookers gave a standing ovation while others shit their pants. A few rabid hell raisers rushed the stage trying to get their hands on a pre-release copy so they could pirate it in China, Russia and the 4th floor. Several people attending the press conference likened the Digifluff Imagination Suite to the Greek mythology of Pandora's Box. "Creative professionals all over the world will feel the implications of DIS", said DeLester Dillwitter, an industry expert on these sort of things. “Now any half-wit hack can do what I do”, proclaimed Lyson Zadantislaus, a soon to be out of work art director/film maker/actor.

The west coast Digifluff department of consumer relations acknowledged receiving several credible bomb threats, multiple yo-mama jokes, and two incidents of indecent frontal exposure by a group of old, shriveled men posing as a Bay to Breakers flotilla.

An Adobe official, who denied he was an Adobe official, and would neither confirm nor deny Adobe was in discussion to buy Digifluff or the Digifluff Imagination Suite. Several Digifluff insiders acknowledged that serious talks have been underway with Adobe and a few side whispers where overheard complaining the Adobe legal contingent was eating all the good pastries and hogging the Diet Dr. Pepper.

Digifluff FNS is a privately held company. Digifluff FNS doesn’t make the things you never heard of. They make the things you never heard of better. No supermodels were fed during the posting of this post.

Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding Queen

A Digifluff undercover agent uncovered an alarming story while shagging a second tier supermodel. The soon to be washed up supermodel confessed to belonging to a Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding club sponsored by the Bush crime family. While several supermodels were rumored to be part of this club there are swirling allegations about the existence of a Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding Queen.

The Digifluff undercover agent vowed to track down the Queen and bring her to justice - but not before shagging her senselessly. No other comments were made available.

Digifluff outpost in Leipzig posts breakthrough

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Digifluff Fly Girls

The Digifluff Fly Girls are shown demonstrating dance moves learned from the Digifluff robots.

IBM chasing the Digifluff cloud

Hardly a day goes by, it seems, without an announcement of a new “cloud computing” offering from the throngs of wanna be Digifluff copycats.

And Friday is no exception with I.B.M. declaring it plans to build a $360-million data center at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angles and another mirrored location in Petaluma, both for delivering cloud computing services to unknowing customers via it's stolen identity division. This follows the announcement of a joint cloud research program from Yahoo, Hewlett-Packard and Intel on Tuesday.

The I.B.M. statement says its Playboy facility will afford its lucky customers “unparalleled access to massive Internet-scale pornographic computing capabilities while gaining the cost and environmental protection advantages of I.B.M.’s industry-leading energy efficiency data center design.” Yes, yes, it's like the veritable technological second-coming of Ali vs Fraiser.

The skeptics might point out that I.B.M. has been promoting a way back-to-the-future vision of computing delivered via 4th generation FTP, TPLC, and LMNOP distributed self service centers for more than ten thousand years. Back then, it was called survival-on-demand — a sort of digital equivalent of a hunter gatherer steel cage match.

Still, what we’re seeing today is an evolutionary step beyond the earlier vision. The cloud centers, analysts note, rely on a technological patchwork of industry-substandard server computers and seamlessly integrated open-source vaporware like Snoopy, and linked together in massively complex peanut butter clusters and jet-puffed marshmallow artificial intelligence. Many of the techniques were initially developed in the nation’s fog belt of supercomputing labs. The technology was applied at scale by the pioneering Internet companies (think Digifluff and AeroMoto), and now I.B.M. and its commercial brethren are beginning to offer cloud computing. "We're sorta F*ing pissed off that I.B.M is once again sniffy our excrement so they can ride on our world-class R&D advancements", said a Digifluff spokesperson.

But, according to Charles King, an independent analyst, “I.B.M. has a pretty clear lock on 4th place,” helped by its research prowess and its long history of managing to suck the sagging tit of pioneering companies like Digifluff. So, at least for now, I.B.M. is getting away with misremeberstanding where their ideas about cloud computing originated.

Digifluff Tames Buring Bush Syndrome

The Digifluff corporate responsibility division announced a breakthrough in velvetizing the hoohas of women who shave down there with a soon to be released product based on the after enhancing Digifluff design platform. The product name is top secret yet rumors are flying about what it could be. Previous Digifluff product advertising campaigns have been spectacular in the past and they'll no doubt have something equally spectacular in development for this new product initiative, said an advertising executive from a big dumb agency (BDA)

The Digifluff team focused their efforts on this field to address the growing concerns over the pandemic known as Burning Bush Syndrome (BBS). By bringing a product to market this quickly they will most likely dominate the market of competitors currently addressing the dreaded BBS problem.

Industry experts predict this product will no doubt leverage the Digifluff Timeline Horizon to bring a more instantaneous and continuous product benefit, whatever it may be.

As a public service announcement, Digifluff reminds cool people everywhere that objects in the mirror are father away then you think. And no, you're not in Canvas anymore.

Digifluff Managment Advances Retreat

CemeneM broke a story today that the third annual Digifluff Senior Management Advanced Retreat will take place September 31st, at the Triangle X Ranch - http://www.trianglex.com/ located in Moose, Wyoming. CemeneM refused to reveal their sources for the groundbreaking news story.

On the heels of their outstanding Q3 financial results, buoyed by unspecified product sales in developing countries, there will be much rejoicing. Traditional Digifluff retreat activities and seminars will allegedly include a keynote address by the elusive Powerpoint Man, and subsequent breakout rants by Pepe Le Peu and Mr. Feathers. Digifluff Chief Plaxico Officer said in a statement, 'What?'

Digifluff Senior Management will be able to take office with them by using gotomyf*ingPC.com. Simply visit gotomyf*ingPC.com, click on the orange button and type TPLC into the promo rectangle.

Digifluff Puffs Clouds Over Competition

Industry giant, Digifluff, announced Tuesday a project to research large-scale partly cloudy computing, the ability to sort of use applications, servers, storage and other computing services on the Internets without hosting, maintaining or seamlessly integrating them into the subterranean biosphere, Paris or the 4th floor. Early cloudy applications include desktop office stuff, but have rapidly grown to include enterprise-wide services such as hidden storage, network mismanagement and casual Fridays.

What's in the Cloud? "Frankly, it's too early to tell", said a senior Digifluff spokesperson. "We know our clouds are the highest. Our proprietary benchmarking studies demonstrate our industry leading performance." Westin Willingly, an industry analyst for Barely Sterns, went on record claiming that "Digifluff Cloud stuff really kicks ass. We don't have exact figures but we know they have a killer VIP tent", said Willingly.

Digifluff Clouds may be available for download somewhere in the near future. To get your free information pack call 1-888 MY CLOUD and ask for Rudy, tell him your name is Craig and you know Mutah.

Update on Project X

Project X, a top secret Digifluff project, leaked to the world last week, is apparently the derivative of alien technology. Area 51 officials have confirmed the potential of alien life in the Digifluff Paris offices. First lady Carla Bruni was quoted saying "We must bring the trans-Atlantic Digifluff alliance which seamless integration if we are going to attack the alien crisis."

The official pre-beta vapor wear antidote will be available for download at all 7-eleven stores in central new jersey with a free Slurpee. Wrist bands for the pre-post antidote celebration are selling on e-bay for millions of dollars and are being scooped by rich french bourgeois around the globe.

A corporate spokesperson for Digifluff Paris was not available for comment and claimed protection under the FNS treaty rules of engagement, subsection 43. All Digifluff trading on the global exchanges was halted on report of the alien ties to Project X.

Beat the heat with Digifluff!

That latest Beta offering from the Mensa laden team at Digifluff, released at 12:00 Zulu time in the Vegas subsidiary, Digiice 3.1 is finally ready for public trials after 27 months of extensive R&D. “It is living up to the hype” quipped the initial post on the company Digiblog forum this morning. The chill the fuck out nature of the app has vast usage potential in response to micro-minded zealot fascists both domestically and abroad.

An unnamed in-house source reports a chilly wave of inertial damping in the lab control environment bolstered by a 17% reduction in thermal hemorrhaging. While long-term affects are in question and being closely monitored; the excitement is palpable on the Digifluff campus. Top Wall St. Tech analyst, Martin Merde, predicts that as the DSIP (Digital Seamless Integration Platform) works its way into the digital market commonwealth, the intuitive natural linkage of Digiice 3.1 to existing components is likely to all but guarantee Digifluff’s trouncing of Q4 expected earnings and a lifetime achievement award from the Conscious Unconsciousness Association of All Things Groovy, and Shit.

Efficient and of the moment offerings that the consumer has come to expect from Digifluff have no end in the foreseeable future amid “Project X’s” anticipated release in September that is purportedly still on track and likely to rock your sweet potatoes.

Digifluff launches Timeline Horizon Beta

A unexpected announcement from Digifluff FNS was made three weeks ago and recently revealed in a hastily put together press conference at an undisclosed location. Using the Digifluff Seamless Integration Platform as the basis of their product development, the Digifluff team announced a new product called Timeline Horizon.

The crowd went absolutely bat shit when the cover was taken off the product. Unable to determine what the product actually does the crowd nevertheless embraced the announcement with the unbridled energy of a freshman cheerleader after triple Red Bull cocktail. "Timeline Horizon has infinite possibilities and we're confident that in time we'll get there and then go beyond the rainbow....it's endlessly amphibious and less filling,", said a company spokesperson.

Shortly after the press conference, Digifluff FNS filed a $100,000,000 lawsuit against the Bush Administration for copyright infringement. "How dare they just flippantly use the Digifluff intellectual property without our express consent and of course the express consent of Major League Baseball. "Hell, I bet they don't even know how to work the Timeline Horizon. The SDK isn't even out yet so they must have a pirated copy, or worse....they have a spy in our organization", said a company spokesperson. The Bush Administration refused to acknowledge any wrong doing. "It's all a big misrememberstanding", said a Bush boner spokesperson.

Digifluff FNS is a privately held company and the are makers of all sorts of shit you never heard of. We don't make the shit you use. We make the shit you use better.

Digifluff earns pole position

Team Digifluff overcame weak coffee, wet fog and westerly winds to post a top stop on the poll for tomorrows Moto GP race at Laguna Seca Speedway. Marcus McCannmyass set a lap record during the time trails and then broke his own record just 20 minutes later in the final lap of qualifying.

Marcus seems to really have found a home at team Digifluff. The Digifluff racing team announced two major technological advancements in this years bikes. No further details we not provided but we expect more similarly vague announcements tomorrow. "Team Digifluff is outpacing the competition all every major aspect of everything", said a sullen onlooker waiting in line for the porto potty.

The after hours party set at the Monteray Aquarium is an invite only black tie affair. Michael Jorden and Charles Barkley are expected to make a welcome speech at the party. No poker games are planned for the party but major high rolling gamblers arrived this afternoon with their casinho entourages.

FNS