Digifluff Team Finds Bigfoot

Digifluff FNS shocked the world today with the release of incredible and undeniably compelling evidence that Bigfoot is real and thriving in the Pacific northwest province of California in and around the town of Willits, CA.

Dr. Wisenfinkle and his Digifluff research team worked 17 long, thankless years to film the elusive Bigfoot in its natural habitat. “I’m just glad it’s over” said one of the nervous Digifluff research assistants. Dr. Wisenfinkle, who is not really a doctor, convinced Digifluff FNS to fund his historic research project 17 years ago and has been milking the corporate tit ever since. He cited his custom tailored white lab coat and fake British accent as the two main reasons he was able to secure funding. “They better pay my expense reports now that I have this f*ing footage”, shouted Dr. Wisenfinkle shortly before taking the stage at the hastily put together press conference just outside of Willits, CA.

While most reporters remain slightly skeptical that film footage is authentic, they were appreciative of the Pete’s coffee, clean porto potties and the gaggle of sexually deprived female research assistants . “I’ve been shagging the same losers for 17 years and I am happy to get any sort o fresh lovin’, if you know what I mean”, claimed Roxanne Bonnapants, the lead seamless integration officer of this soon to be infamous research expedition. Mrs. Bonnapants has signed an exclusive contract to pose naked in Playboy with Bigfoot if he / it is ever captured.

The new Bigfoot video footage is at the CIA laboratory in Langley, VA for testing and analysis. More updates will be forthcoming in the exciting days and weeks to come.

Digifluff Spurns Adobe Bid

Digifluff FNS hastily ended talks with Adobe regarding their bid to buy the soon to be released and wildly powerful Digifluff Imagination Suite. According to industry insiders, Digifluff grew tired of all the meetings and mindless bullshit paperwork needed to appease the Adobe legal team. "They wanted us to shave 1/16" off all our forms so they could fit them into their antique 3 ring binders with rich Corinthian shit brown leather covers and multi-color neon bindings. It was a major pain in ass.", said a Digifluff spokesperson who asked to remain nameless.

Digifluff clearly has a tight grip on the Adobe corporate nut sack and they're not likely to let go without compensation. The ball (pun intended) is clearly with Adobe.

T. Boone Pickens and George Soros separately applauded the move by Digifluff. Both super rich dudes are rumored to be large angel investors in the Digifluff Seamless Integration Platform.

Digifluff beats Adobe at its own game

Digifluff Imagination Suite is here. Long rumored to be developing a rival product to Adobe Creative Suite, Digifluff FNS introduced the Digifluff Imagination Suite (DIS). Available for download in early September, DIS taps into the human imagination and brings it to life on a computer screen. Built on the powerful Digifluff Seamless Integration Platform (DSIP), DIS seamlessly integrates with your brain right out of the box. It reads the Internal Imagination Display (IID) available in most humans and automatically renders it in a pixel perfect replication.

One of the countless impressive features of DIS is its ability to work while you sleep. Simply turn on the DIS DreamReader functionality and DIS sees your dreams, renders them in full 3D, and has them ready for your review before you get out of bed. A ShowerReader feature is still in beta and is likely to be available as an upgrade download sometime early next year, or never.

After a brief demonstration, some salivating onlookers gave a standing ovation while others shit their pants. A few rabid hell raisers rushed the stage trying to get their hands on a pre-release copy so they could pirate it in China, Russia and the 4th floor. Several people attending the press conference likened the Digifluff Imagination Suite to the Greek mythology of Pandora's Box. "Creative professionals all over the world will feel the implications of DIS", said DeLester Dillwitter, an industry expert on these sort of things. “Now any half-wit hack can do what I do”, proclaimed Lyson Zadantislaus, a soon to be out of work art director/film maker/actor.

The west coast Digifluff department of consumer relations acknowledged receiving several credible bomb threats, multiple yo-mama jokes, and two incidents of indecent frontal exposure by a group of old, shriveled men posing as a Bay to Breakers flotilla.

An Adobe official, who denied he was an Adobe official, and would neither confirm nor deny Adobe was in discussion to buy Digifluff or the Digifluff Imagination Suite. Several Digifluff insiders acknowledged that serious talks have been underway with Adobe and a few side whispers where overheard complaining the Adobe legal contingent was eating all the good pastries and hogging the Diet Dr. Pepper.

Digifluff FNS is a privately held company. Digifluff FNS doesn’t make the things you never heard of. They make the things you never heard of better. No supermodels were fed during the posting of this post.

Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding Queen

A Digifluff undercover agent uncovered an alarming story while shagging a second tier supermodel. The soon to be washed up supermodel confessed to belonging to a Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding club sponsored by the Bush crime family. While several supermodels were rumored to be part of this club there are swirling allegations about the existence of a Champagne Supermodel Waterboarding Queen.

The Digifluff undercover agent vowed to track down the Queen and bring her to justice - but not before shagging her senselessly. No other comments were made available.

Digifluff outpost in Leipzig posts breakthrough

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Digifluff Fly Girls

The Digifluff Fly Girls are shown demonstrating dance moves learned from the Digifluff robots.

IBM chasing the Digifluff cloud

Hardly a day goes by, it seems, without an announcement of a new “cloud computing” offering from the throngs of wanna be Digifluff copycats.

And Friday is no exception with I.B.M. declaring it plans to build a $360-million data center at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angles and another mirrored location in Petaluma, both for delivering cloud computing services to unknowing customers via it's stolen identity division. This follows the announcement of a joint cloud research program from Yahoo, Hewlett-Packard and Intel on Tuesday.

The I.B.M. statement says its Playboy facility will afford its lucky customers “unparalleled access to massive Internet-scale pornographic computing capabilities while gaining the cost and environmental protection advantages of I.B.M.’s industry-leading energy efficiency data center design.” Yes, yes, it's like the veritable technological second-coming of Ali vs Fraiser.

The skeptics might point out that I.B.M. has been promoting a way back-to-the-future vision of computing delivered via 4th generation FTP, TPLC, and LMNOP distributed self service centers for more than ten thousand years. Back then, it was called survival-on-demand — a sort of digital equivalent of a hunter gatherer steel cage match.

Still, what we’re seeing today is an evolutionary step beyond the earlier vision. The cloud centers, analysts note, rely on a technological patchwork of industry-substandard server computers and seamlessly integrated open-source vaporware like Snoopy, and linked together in massively complex peanut butter clusters and jet-puffed marshmallow artificial intelligence. Many of the techniques were initially developed in the nation’s fog belt of supercomputing labs. The technology was applied at scale by the pioneering Internet companies (think Digifluff and AeroMoto), and now I.B.M. and its commercial brethren are beginning to offer cloud computing. "We're sorta F*ing pissed off that I.B.M is once again sniffy our excrement so they can ride on our world-class R&D advancements", said a Digifluff spokesperson.

But, according to Charles King, an independent analyst, “I.B.M. has a pretty clear lock on 4th place,” helped by its research prowess and its long history of managing to suck the sagging tit of pioneering companies like Digifluff. So, at least for now, I.B.M. is getting away with misremeberstanding where their ideas about cloud computing originated.